Na saboot dhoondta hoon, na gawah dhoondta hoon ... mujrim nazar aa jaye toh chane ki tarah bhoonta hoon

I don't search for evidence, neither do I search for a witness ... if I see a criminal, then I crush him like peanuts

Aurat aur sharab ka mila-jula nasha aaisa nasha hai ki ... bade bade sultan barbad ho gaye

The combined intoxication of women and alcohol is such that ... even the best of the best rulers have got ruined

Yaad mein nasha karta hoon aur nashe mein yaad karta hoon

I drink when I remember you and I remember you when I am drunk

Aaise mat dekho ... lagta hai marinated murghi ko tandoor dekh raha hai

Don't look at me like this ... it feels like the oven is staring at the marinated chicken

Aao Vijay, baitho aur hamare saath ek scotch piyo ... hum tumhe kha tohdi jaayenge ... vaise bhi hum vegetarian hai

Come Vijay, sit and have a scotch with me ... I won't eat you ... by the way I am a vegetarian

Tu goli lena kaise pasand karega ... pani ke saath, sode ke saath, whiskey ke saath ... yah phir direct

How would you like to take the bullet ... with water, with soda, with whiskey ... or directly

Humne saanp ko doodh pilaya ... par hum doodh pila sakte hai, toh uska sar bhi kuchal sakte hai

I have fed milk to a snake ... but if I can feed milk then I can also crush its head

Kya figure hai yaar ... na ek millimeter idhar na ek millimeter udhar ... upar waale ne bhi cold coffee peete hue banaya hoga yeh garma garam piece

What a figure she has ... not a millimeter here and not a millimeter there ... God must have made this hot piece while drinking cold coffee

Bhagwan ko malum tha ki aadmi saala kuch kare na kare lekin daru zaroor piyega ... isiliye usne aadmi ko ek dimag, ek thopda, ek dil de diya ... lekin kidney do de diya, ki agar ek kharab ho jaye toh aadmi doosri se apna kaam chalata rahe

God knew it that whether a man does anything or not, he will drink alcohol for sure ... that's why he gave a man one mind, one face, one heart ... but he gave two kidneys, so that if one goes bad then the man can still function with the other one

Abe chai mangi thi, parliament se ayegi kya?

I had asked for tea, is it coming from the parliament or what?

Tum jaise talented bache hote hai na woh sode mein is bubbles ki tarah hote hai ... ek ke baad ek woh aise hi upar aate hai ... apne aap ... unhe koi nahi rok sakta

Talented kids like you are like bubbles in soda ... they come up one after another ... by themselves ... no one can stop them

Bottle aur aadmi ka rishta pehda hone se lekar marne ke baad tak ka rehta hai ... pehda hone pe kaunsi bottle milti hai ... doodh ki ... uske baad school mein kaunsi bottle milti hai ... water bottle ... phir jawani mein beer bottle ... shaadi ke baad whiskey ki bottle ... aur marne ke baad gangajal ki bottle

The relationship of a bottle and a man exists from birth and lasts even beyond his death ... which bottle does he get when he is born ... milk bottle ... after that which bottle does he get in school ... water bottle ... then a beer bottle when he becomes young ... a whiskey bottle after he gets married ... and after death he gets the bottle of holy water

Agar tujh mein dum hai saaki toh Qutub Minar ko hilake dikha ... agar dum nahi hai toh mere naal beht, do goont maar ... aur Qutub Minar ko hilta dekh

My friend if you think you have the power to shake the Qutub Minar then show me ... and if you don't have the power then sit with me, take a couple of sips ... and you'll see the Qutub Minar shaking

Chai se zyada saala kitli garam hai

The kettle is hotter than the tea

Bhoot hai toh bhootni hai ... sambhar hai toh chutney hai ... zyada phailoge toh pant phatni hai

If there's a ghost then there's a witch ... if there's lentil soup then there's chutney ... if you spread a lot then your pant will tear apart

Shudh shakahari, dal bhaat tarkaari ... sab maal sarkari

It's pure vegeterian, lentil soup and rice ... and it everything belongs to the government

Khichdi ke hai dost char ... dahi, papad, mirchi, aachar

Porridge has four friends ... curd, papadum, pepper, pickle

Hing ki baas aur prem ka vaas ... chupaye nahi chupta

The smell of Asafetida and the desire in love ... cannot be hidden

Mithai ki dukaan mein mirchi hai ... aai shapat kai tari gochi hai

There is spice in a sweet shop ... I swear on my mom, something is strange

Is saal tu paas ho gaya na ... toh main tujhe Cadabury doongi, woh bhi milak ki

If you pass this year ... then I will you a Cadbury (chocolate), and that to a milk one