Do niyam yaad rakhna is shehar ke baare mein ... property ki kimat per square foot duniya mein sabse zyada hai ... aur number of idiots per square foot woh bhi duniya mein sabse zyada hai

Just remember two rules of this city ... over here the price of property per square foot is the highest compared to anywhere in the world ... and the number of idiots per square foot are also the highest in the world

Yeh jayegi toh koi aur aayegi ... woh jayegi toh koi aur aayegi ... kalaiyon ki kami hai kya hamare desh mein

If she'll leave then someone else will come ... if that one will leave then someone else will come ... there's no shortage of women with soft wrists in our country

Hindi filmon ka paikhana kuch is tarah hota hai ... ki koi bhi, kuch bhi, kabhi bhi kar sakta hai

A toilet in a Hindi film is such that ... anyone, anytime, can do anything

Jab kisi bewakoof ko poorna aanshik roop se kisi laundiya ke prem mein duboya jaata hai ... toh ladki ki maangein ladkon ke jeb ke bhaar se dugni ho jaati hai

When you drown a fool completely in the love for a girl ... then the wants of the girl grows to double in weight than the guy's pocket

Itni door se aaya hoon ... kuch toh karne do

I've come from far ... let me do something

Hollywood ke alava main porn dekhna pasand karta hoon ... kahani is mein bhi nahi hoti, kahani us mein bhi nahi hoti ... action zaroor hota hai

Other than Hollywood, I like to watch watch porn ... as there's no story in either of them ... but yes, there's definitely action

Aasmaan ka rang aankhon mein leke utri hai ek videshi apsara ... pighal rahi hai baraf, pighal raha hai ek brahmachari ka dil zara zara ... kahin aisa toh nahi ki saawan ke andhe ko dikhta ho sab hara hara

A foreign girl has come with the colour of the sky in her eyes ... hence ice is melting and also the heart of a celibate is melting ... it's basically like, the one who goes blind in spring, sees only greenery all around

Sharaab se liver kharab hota hai ... magar dil saaf rehta hai

Alcohol destroys your liver ... but it cleans your heart

Pehle unki sirf dosti thi ... lekin ab dostana ho gaya hai

First they were only friends ... but now they've become a gay couple

Pati ek bank balance hota hai, ek tijori hota hai ... jis mein se paise nikaal nikaalkar gehne banwao, sareeyan khareedo, mauj karo mauj ... lekin unka dil rakhne ke liye kabhi unka sar dabao, kabhi unke pair dabao ... haala ki dil toh karta hai ki unka gala dabao, taaki jhanjhat hi khatam

A husband is like a bank balance, like a vault ... from which you remove money and make jewellery, buys sarees, and have fun ... but to keep their heart sometimes we have to massage their head, their legs ... when we wish that we could simply press their neck, so that the problem is over once and for all

Mere bare mein itna mat soocho ... main din mein aata hoon, raat mein nahi ... till then do whatever you want to man

Don't think a lot about me ... I come during the day, and not at night ... till then do whatever you want to man

Apne dukhon ka khadhhar road ab khatam hone jarela hai ... aur khushiyon ka flyover aane jarela hai

The broken road of our sadness is about to end ... and the flyover of our happiness is about to come

Karte hai washing powder ka vyapar aur bhabhiyon se pyar

He does the business of selling washing powder and he loves married women

Priya jab assi saal ki ho jayegi na ... I promise you main tab bhi usko itna hi pyar karoonga ... dhoop mein iska chashma banuga, baarish mein iska chaata ... kyun ki pyar ke sivah mujhko kuch nahi aata

When Priya will become 80 years old ... I promise you even then I'll love her as much as I do today ... in the sun I'll become her sunglasses, in the rain I'll become her umbrella ... because other than love I don't know anything else

Tum middle class logon ki yehi problem hai ... ladki ko bhi local train ka khidki waala seat samajhta hai ... pehla rumaal rakh diya matlab seat tumhari ho gayi?

You middle class people have this problem ... you consider even a girl as if she is a window seat of a train ... where you put a napkin first on the seat then that seat belongs to you?

Maal hai aur malamaal bhi hai!

She is gorgeous and rich as well!

(Aaise bina saboot ke police kya kar sakti hai?) ... Ghulam Ali ki CD teri jeb mein daalke na ISI ka agent bana sakti hai police ... tumhari photo beauty parlour ke samne kheenchke laundiyon ka dalla bana sakti hai police ... Johnson baby powder aave hai, uski pudiya teri jeb mein daalke na drug ka smuggler bana sakti hai police ... aur toh aur teri shakal police waale se sketch karvake Osama Bin Laden se mila sakti hai police

(What can police do without any evidence?) ... The police can put a CD of Ghulam Ali in your pocket and make you into an ISI ( Inter-Services Intelligence) agent ... the police can take your photo in front of a beauty parlour and can make you into a pimp of girls ... the police can put a packet of Johnson baby powder in your pocket and can make you into a drug smuggler ... and above all the police can have a policeman draw your sketch and match to that of Osama Bin Laden

Picture jab housefull hota hai na ... toh ticket us-hich ko milta hai jiski manager tak pehchan ho

When a movie becomes housefull ... then only the one who knows the manager gets a ticket

Nahalo, dholo, nikalo kitna bhi mail badan ka ... phir bhi na nikle mail badan ka, kyun ki yeh pani hai jail ka

Take a bath, wash it, no matter how much dirt you remove from your body ... but still the dirt won't come out since this water is from a jail

Jab ghee seedhi ungli se na nikle toh ghee chamach se nikaal lo ... kyun ki har jagah ungli nahi ki jaati

When you are not able to remove clarified butter using a straight finger then use a spoon ... because you should not put your finger into everything