Maine mobile shaadi ka bureau khola hai ... engagement ke liye ek dabao ... shaadi ke liye do dabao ... aur doobara shaadi karne ke liye apna pehla biwi ka gala dabao

I have opened a mobile marriage bureau ... press 1 for engagement ... press 2 for marriage ... and to get remarried press the neck of your first wife

Jhanda chahe kisi bhi desh da ho ... par danda Hindustani hona chahiye

The flag can be of any nation ... but the pole must be Hindustani

Gandhi bola hinsa nahi karneka ... koi manaa? ... pistol dikhake bolta na, saale sab maan jaate

Gandhi said not to do any violence ... did anyone listen? ... had he said that with a gun, bloody everyone would have listened

Kaun kehta hai bada size sab par bhaari hai ... kabhi machar ke saath ek raat guzari hai

Who says that you need something big to cause trouble ... have you ever spent a night with a mosquito

Woh kehte hain ki humse, ki tum mujhe yaad nahi karte ... main kehta hoon ki tu jaye toh teri yaad aaye ... tu saali yahan se jati hi nahi hai ... toh yaad kahan se aayegi

She says to me that I don't remember her ... I say that only if you go, can I remember you ... you don't go from here ... then how can I remember you

Tumhara good bhi achcha ... bad bhi achcha

Your good is good ... and bad is good

Main hoon Nandu sabka bandhu

I am Nandu and everyone's friend

Biwi apne pati ke bina reh sakti hai ... par apni bai ke bina nahi

A wife can live without her husband ... but not without her maid

Har baar main teri jheel si aankhon mein doob jaata hoon ... lekin is baar nahi, ruk main swimming suit pehen ke aata hoon

Everytime I drown in your beauitful eyes ... but not this time, wait I'll wear a swimming suit and be back

Jawani ke din ... kamaal ke hote hai

The days of youth ... are wonderful

Rahul, naam toh yaad rahega na?

Rahul, will you remember my name?

Jinke ghar sheeshe ke hote hai na ... woh basement mein kapde badalte hai

Those who have glass houses ... they change their clothes in the basement

Main kya karoon bhole, bhole bam bhole ... jis devi ne madad ka vachan diya, ussi ne haath todhe

O Lord Shiva, what should I do ... the lady who promised to help me, she herself has broken my hand

Yeh Punjab hai Punjab ... yahan pehle goli marte hai ... phir shayad laash se kuch baat karlein

This is Punjab, Punjab ... here first they shoot ... then may be they will talk with the dead body

Bachpan se bhaag hi raha hoon ... pehle school se bhaaga ... bhook lagi toh roti churakar bhaaga ... bhai bana toh police se bachkar bhaaga ... jahan behetna tha wahan bhaaga, jahan chalna tha wahan bhaaga ... jahan bhaagna tha wahan kutte ke maafit bhaag hi raha hoon ... apun ki aakhi life bhaagne mein hi nikal gayi

I'm running since childhood ... first I ran away from school ... when I was hungry I stole bread and ran ... when I became a goon then I was running away from the police ... I ran where I was suppose to sit, I ran where I was suppose to walk ... and I'm running like a dog where I need to run ... my whole life has gone behind running

Main roz prarthana karta hoon ... ke mere ghar bhikari aaye, mere badan mein bimari aaye ... par tu kabhi na aaye

I pray everyday that ... beggars may come to my house, disease may come to my body ... but you should never come

Andhar ki baat bolni ho ... toh bahar se sahi lagna chahiye

When you have to say something from the inside ... then you must look good from outside

Early to bed and early to rise ... makes your girlfriend go with other guys

Early to bed and early to rise ... makes your girlfriend go with other guys

Agar tum meri zindagi mein nahi hoti, toh main kya hota? ... bina jeb ki pant hota, bina sole ka juta hota, bina dil ke shareer hota

If you were not in my life, then what would I have been? ... a pant without a pocket, a shoe without a sole, a body without a heart

Horror film ka asli mazaa toh raat ko akele mein hi aata hai

The real fun of a horror film comes when you watch it alone at night